This summer, after receiving feedback from Module 2, has been quite an eventful one for me. A change in my work situation has given me that little extra “push” to reflect on my holistic practice to date, instead of reflecting on it from module to module.
When I was writing my AOL essays in Module One, I remember feeling quite pleased with myself at the teacher I had become. Yes, there were elements of my early practice that made me squirm with embarrassment, and I did worry how many children I had emotionally hurt, confused (why was I nicer out of class than in?), or had turned away from dance because of their experience with me? Writing those essays though gave me an overall sense of achievement. I wonder where I was mentally though when I was writing them? I now look back and see that I was writing them with the identity that I feel I have today, a ballet teacher. Even though I began my teaching practice like many of us do, teaching different genres, I wrote those essays as a ballet teacher. I reflected mainly on my practice in one genre, even though I taught four.
Module Two commenced and for the first time, I came across the theory of Dualism and Embodiment. Oh dear, now I’m lost! I have over the years heard about embodiment, but that doesn’t belong in classical ballet does it, … or does it? I never learnt about them in my education so maybe they are something that I don’t need to know? How naive and narrow-minded I’ve been.
For someone who has been trying not to be a reflection of her own education and gain more knowledge throughout my career, why has the understanding of Dualism and embodiment scared me?
My conclusion after some time debating is that I didn’t think they were relevant to my practice. When I think about the endless courses I have participated in, the majority have been to either teach or improve technical skills. How to teach technique has been the focus. Quite simply, I still have a similar outlook to my teachers from the 80’s.
Teaching a class last term with my university students, I remember thinking how “dreary” they were. They gave me nothing, and so I asked them to forget their technique for a particular exercise and just “let go”. The transformation was astounding, I really “felt” their movements, I almost wanted to get up and dance with them! When talking to them afterwards, they stated that the technique inhibited them. I could relate to that from a teacher perspective. Teaching jazz (which I did up to a year ago), made me feel “alive”. I thought it was because it gave me a workout, the group were adults and fun to teach, and I didn’t have to worry so much about my technique as I did when teaching ballet.
Watching a guest teacher and my university students in a contemporary class at the end of the last term, has me contemplating what do I need to do to embrace embodiment in my practice? I would love all my pupils in the future to experience this and to feel “whole". Is it possible for me to change my practice and more importantly engage in embodiment? Maybe I do already but yet have to recognise it.
This is one of my personal goals moving forward and a challenging one.
I am very interested in embodiment. For three years, I took classes with a teacher who teaches contemporary dance by talking about inner sensations, by shifting the focus to the things that happen inside of our body rather than the shape we create... I am so fascinated by this and I contsantly try to understand this process better so I can teach it as well. BUT I completely forget about it as soon as I teach ballet. I say everything I try to avoid saying in my contemporary classes: lift your arm, push your knees out, don't push your belly out, the shape you are making is not so beautiful - your arm shape needs to be rounder... I think it has something to do with how I have been educated. Even though you know that you don't want to teach as some of your own teachers have, you are influenced by them. Even though I hate it when people forget embodiment in dance, I do exactly the same in ballet. But I guess the fact that we are aware of it and questioning our own practice is a first step. I am working on finding solutions and try to find methods to remind me to change my habits and I can see that you are doing so too :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you Maïté for answering. Yes, it's an ongoing battle but recognising a factor in my teaching (or lack of it), is the first step isn't it? I never would have even thought about it if I hadn't been engaged on this course! Sam
ReplyDeleteI think this is a fascinating area. I always thought it extremely tricky in ballet to experience embodiment due to the physical needs for the body to have the correct technique in order to perform the choreography and the constant separation of thinking and doing. However now I teach I am keen to encourage each dancer to explore their own style, learning to dance from their inside out as such alongside good technique, but I try to teach it differently so students also feel what they are doing. To explore how it feels, how to improve within their own bodies. There is still a tendency to hold on and move with what they know to be correct rather than feel the movement. I had one very special young student completely loose herself in a dance we were doing for our show last year. She was dancing better than I had ever seen her and then started crying in the middle of the dance (It was not a sad piece). When I stopped the dancing worried if she was ok she told me she wasn't sad and wasn't sure why she was crying. She had just become lost in the movement, feeling every moment, she is one special little lady. I explained how amazing that was. Hard to get students to understand to that level but something I continue to strive to do. Rebecca
ReplyDeleteThat's lovely Rebecca, whatever you are telling them seems to have results! It's interesting how you call her "special" (no criticism) but this has me thinking back. I believe the "special" students, the ones who were always the "artists" and "had that something extra" were the ones who experienced embodiment although my teachers never called it that (doubt they knew the word, like I didn't!). They danced from their hearts, letting their emotions and sensations facilitate their movements. This is really interesting so much to dwell on!
ReplyDeleteYes Sam, I meant special to have this experience of embodiment at such a young age. Making me question are some more receptive than others? Do some gain the understanding of experience and knowing deeper than others? Is embodiment that whole connection body, mind and soul creating the artist? Or is that something else? So many questions...
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ReplyDeleteI think that, being reflective is the purpose of our journey. Realizing that is paralell with embodiment because when you teach ballet you can be lost in technique, but whenever you look at the mirror or do something, what you do not usually do, that moment can show an other perspective of you. It can show you what you may have never realized and it also can show your missing.
ReplyDeleteEmotions is from inside but if you can not see from outside you will miss it. It is other thing to feel and show it. I forget it sometimes too.
Learning zone is always out of the comfort zone and this can motivate me being reflective, because it give me 'handrail' to the learning process.