It’s here!

Well, it’s finally here, presentation day! Waking up at the crack of dawn I’m trying to convince myself it’s because the bed isn’t so comfy and it’s not because I’m starting to get nervous. This is what I’ve been waiting for, to share my research with everybody, but why do I feel like I’ve shot back into the past waiting to go into an exam? Isn’t association incredible? I’ve been trying over this term to separate and place my dance career with different types of association (popping it into boxes). For example, this course does not belong to my past or education, it’s place is now and in the future. Therefore, having new feelings and emotions.

I’ve enjoyed doing my research and I have learnt so much it’s an eye-opener to me, so why am I getting in a state. Last night I was faffing around, what should I wear, should I have glasses or contacts etc? I finally realised what I was doing and told myself to stop (with a smile!). This isn’t an exam where I’m trying to get an “Honours”, I don’t have to proof to anyone that I’m a good dancer or teacher. This has all been for me and it has indeed been worth it.

I don’t know where this journey will take me in the future, but I do know that it has been more than just about my practice. It’s helped me make sense of things that I couldn’t understand before. I only have one regret and that is I wished I had discovered it before!

I wish everybody doing presentations the best of luck in the next two days, and for Modules 1’s and 2’s, enjoy it!

Sam

Time

I have been feeling recently like I’m running a race but am not moving, does anybody else know that feeling? Whilst I have my plan for this module having on the wall in front of me, I seem to be asking myself where has the time gone? This inevitably makes me reflect on my working life and the people that have come and gone in the thirty-something years. After receiving some news this week, I’ve been debating what is important to me? How important is this MA and in the long-run  what will it give me? Well, so far it’s given me more than I bargained for.

A couple of events whilst I’ve been studying has made me see other points of views so much clearer than I did before, and where I fit into the picture. Time seems to be a keyword that keeps coming back to me. Time before, time now, time in the future, time to do my work, time to reflect and time to breath…..

As I’m coming to the end of this journey and I know a new one will begin soon, I can only finish this post (which really is just from my heart) with what I’ve been thinking about most of the day, and that is time will tell!

Who am I?

Talking to a friend of mine recently who was a ballet teacher for many years, we started talking about identities. At nearly the age of 50, she became a Primary school teacher, giving up dance that she had loved so much. I asked her “how was that transition”, which she replied, “no problem, I never thought about it!”. Her “say it as it is” answer made me think of my identities both as a professional and my personal identity.

I have always tried to separate my professional life from my personal life, but I have to say that I think the two have been somewhat merged together in recent years. I wonder why this is?  I’ve concluded that like life, my professional practice has gone through various phases. How I defined my job and what was expected of me 25 years ago has not been the same in recent years. More experience, getting older, and becoming a mother (later in life) has changed me. Developments in social media have also influenced the gap. Students who use Facebook as a communication tool, (even though they know that I will not “friend” them while they are my students) seems to be normal in these times. My work and private life don’t have the separation they once had.

I seemed to have clearer boundaries some years ago of who I was at work and who I was outside of work. I’m thinking that unconsciously how I have defined my job has changed. Slowly my view that I was there “only to teach dance” has altered, today, there is more personal investment in my work.

Topics that once were never talked about openly, various problems, divorced parents, puberty and bullying have influenced how I look at and treat my pupils. It appears I have taken on a different role today. That leads me to a new thought, what is a professional dance teacher today? Can I show my feelings, hug a child without crossing the line of being unprofessional?

I’ve noticed too, how much more open I am about my thought processes and how I involve/ask my students things which I never would have before. Although I would love to say it’s all because I practice inclusive teaching, really I’ve noticed how difficult it is for me to make decisions in later years. Has that rubbed off on my teaching because:

a)     I’m unsure of what I should be teaching?

b)     to keep the pupils happy (in order to have no complaints)?

c)     because I want to be seen as a kind, generous teacher and therefore keep up the numbers in my classes?

I don’t know and I’m sorry if this is a ramble. I just felt like sharing it with you all and wonder if anybody has any thoughts?

Sam